Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
