tell your sister to shave her snatch
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
