She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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