Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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