I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
