i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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