I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
