She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
