wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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