I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
