Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize