8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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