Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
this beer tastes like vomit already
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
