I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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