Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
