I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize