woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
