alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
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His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So much rum. So many feels.
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I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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