3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
