I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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