He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
