You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
