Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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