He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
