What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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