He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
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It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
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Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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