Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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