We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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