if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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