I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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