I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
