i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
