i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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