Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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