I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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