This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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