She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
