Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
