He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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