I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
