Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
