My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
