ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
