Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
