and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
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if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
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I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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