I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
