that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
