if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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