You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
