I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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