I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
