We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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