So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
