I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
