Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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