Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
