I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
