I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
