Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
