I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
