you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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