I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
