How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
