Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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