my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The dick lei will go down in squad history
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
