dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
