Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
false alarm, still single
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
