Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
