butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
