Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I think I am morally bankrupt
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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