last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
