somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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