Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
