Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
