Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
