I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize