and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The adults are the big ones right?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
