How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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