I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
