dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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