Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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