Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
