i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
