last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
