Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
