happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
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