hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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