Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
