my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
How external is "for external use only"?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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